


Want and the Shadows

by victoriousscarf



Series: Stars and Cinders [5]
Category: Batman - All Media Types, DCU, Star Wars - All Media Types
Genre: Alternate Universe - Star Wars Setting, Extremely Dubious Consent, M/M, There's a verbal yes involved but the consent is still beyond dubious
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-02-02
Updated: 2016-02-09
Packaged: 2018-05-17 18:39:18
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 3
Words: 8,052
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5881399
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/victoriousscarf/pseuds/victoriousscarf
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“I need none of those things,” Dick said. </p><p>“You should consider not lying,” Slade said. “I know you, Jedi Knight.”</p><p>“You know a construct of me you've made in your own mind,” Dick snapped and Slade laughed into his mouth.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I'm a horrible horrible person and I'm sorry for everything. This alternartes in some ways between non con and dub con but whatever way it's being said Slade is awful and consent is pretty questionable.

Dick blinked dust and mortar out of his eyes, his limbs feeling like rubber. 

“Did you miss me?” a voice purred from the other side of the blown out wall. “It seems like you've been following me quite a while.”

Whatever breath Dick had forced into his lungs whoofed out again in shock. “Slade,” he said, trying to force his eyes to focus as Slade knelt down in front of him, smirking. “ _Slade._ "

“Heard rumors you've been looking for me,” Slade said, and he was still smiling. “What stupidity convinced you coming after me was a good idea?”

When Dick opened his mouth, Slade slammed his boot down on his chest. Gasping, Dick flailed before he could focus enough to gather up the Force. He used it to throw Slade off him, feeling satisfied when Slade hit the wall hard. 

Dick forced himself to his feet, pushing through the pain and lack of air, flipping his lightsabers out. A red one met his own and he had forgotten how fast Slade was. He shouldn't have, because Bruce was fast too. 

Slade met his eyes and smirked. “You changed your blades.”

“You destroyed both of my last sabers,” Dick growled out. “Of course I had to change them.”

Slade just kept smirking. “Orange. It's a nice color on you.” 

Scowling, Dick shoved back with both his blades and the Force, causing Slade to stumble. He didn't retain his advantage long though, as Slade came swinging back around. They parried back and forth in the small room, Dick jumping halfway up one of the walls and flipping back over. 

But he had been on a mission for days, already running on too little sleep to protect the politician he was working as body guard for. And Slade seemed to be deflecting each of his blows with ease. “You're still a very young Jedi,” he said, when Dick's face must have shown some of his despair at how easy Slade was making it seem. “Which is why you shouldn't have come looking for me.”

“I cannot let a Sith simply walk away,” Dick said. 

“You aren't powerful enough on your own,” Slade said and he hit Dick in the ribs with the butt of his lightsaber. Gasping, Dick stumbled back, trying to force his limbs to obey his commands again. “You might never be. Who let you out here alone?”

Dick snarled at him, flying at him again, blades singing through the air. 

“Or is it that you couldn't get the things I showed you out of your head?”

“I have no interest in becoming a Sith!”

“Or your heart?” Slade added, as if it was a casual afterthought and Dick stumbled. Slade caught the hilt of one of his blades and it went spinning out of his hands. Grasping his other blade with one hand, Dick squared off against him again. 

“My heart has nothing to do with this,” and Slade smirked. 

“When I found you, I was really ready to pick up any old Jedi to serve my old master's request. But you were too interesting to hand over for his experiments and I have to say, these years later, I'm still most pleased it was you.” 

Dick had never figured out why the Sith had kidnapped him and even these tantalizing hints weren't enough to stay his attack. “I don't care,” he said, swinging his blade over his head and Slade caught it on the downward sweep, shoving Dick back with the Force and Slade's free hand came up, grasping at nothing and Dick felt a hand tighten around his throat. Gasping, he struggled, trying to shove Slade with his own Force power but spots were already dancing behind his eyes. 

“I'm so glad you came back to me, honestly,” he heard Slade say from a distance. “When I finish this contract, I'm sure we'll have plenty to talk about.”

Dick gasped, the hand still around his throat and he realized Slade and him meeting again was chance, because Slade was coming to kill the one he was supposed to protect.

That was the last thought he had before he passed out.

-0-

When he woke up, he was chained by his hands, his toes brushing the ground. He recognized nothing about this place, and could still feel the sedatives in his system Slade must have given him. 

That meant he had no way to even figure out how long they had traveled to reach here. 

Groaning, he closed his eyes and let his head fall back. When he opened his eyes, Slade stood in front of him, holding his lightsabers. 

“These are impressive,” Slade said, thumbing one on and swinging it through the air. “Nice balance, beautiful design. As slender and lethal as you are, I presume.” 

Dick bit his cheek and stared at him silently. Slade swirled the orange blade around a few times. “You know, most Jedi don't have orange blades. Or have you acknowledged what I said to you years ago, that your emotions are a worthwhile part of you, and not the enemy?”

“There is no passion, there is serenity,” Dick whispered. 

Slade laughed. “So your blades are more honest than you yourself are. Interesting.”

“I have no interest in your Sith ways,” Dick said. “The Jedi have raised me, and a Jedi I am.”

“But a tainted one,” Slade smirked. “Don't pretend you aren't.”

“I am not,” Dick said quietly. 

Slade leaned forward, the hand not holding Dick's lightsaber cupping his cheek and Dick flinched back. “You're lying.”

“You killed her, didn't you?” Dick asked instead. “The one I was sent to protect—” 

“And the one I was sent to kill,” Slade shrugged. “Yes, they are dead. I'll be paid and it even helps the Sith cause. Everyone is happy.”

“Most Sith don't have to be paid to cause chaos,” Dick said. 

“Ah,” Slade grinning, “You're fishing.”

Dick stared at him and Slade laughed, his fingers trailing up and down Dick's cheek. “I am Mandolorian, you know.” 

Dick closed his eyes. “No, I didn't,” he groaned, wanting to sag and scream. 

“We're good Jedi hunters,” Slade smirked. “But that's not why I became a Sith. We're not so good at recognizing Force potential because few of us are, and even fewer want to recognize it when we are. I was a damned good bounty hunter though. But when my son was killed, my burning rage and Force potential drew a Sith to me and they packed me off to the academy when my vengeance was finally sated.”

“I'm sorry about your son,” Dick said and Slade narrowed his eyes at him.

“It was a long time ago,” he said, stepping away. 

“Still,” Dick said and Slade scowled at him before turning away. When Dick jerked against his chains, not expecting the abrupt retreat, Slade turned the lights out and closed the door behind him. 

-0-

Dick wasn't sure how long he was in the dark, alone, but he figured it was longer than twenty-four hours. He thought it might have been closer to three days. His connection to the force felt faint and far away, so he spent the time trying to figure out what was inhibiting it. 

When the light flipped back on, he winced. 

“Are you enjoying your stay here?” Slade asked mildly. 

“It's a five star resort,” Dick rasped and Slade grinned. 

“You must be hungry.”

“I'll live,” Dick said, even though his energy levels were dangerously depleted. 

“If you say so,” Slade said and turned the light off again. 

“No!” Dick yelled before he could reach the door and Slade laughed again, the sound coming from the darkness before the light came back on. 

“No?” he asked and Dick shook. 

“What do you want of me?” he asked. “You capture me, you leave me here for days—this isn't even the first time you've caught me. What do you want?”

“I want you to fall,” Slade said and this time he turned the light off and left.

-0-

“It's really not complicated,” Slade said when he came back, and Dick was certain a shorter amount of time had passed. “You have a lot of potential as a Sith. I like you. And even Sith get lonely.”

“I have no desire to fall,” Dick said, eying Slade warily as the other man was carrying a tube filled with some kind of paste. 

Slade shrugged, reaching out to grab Dick's chin and before he could jerk back, Slade shoved the tube into his mouth. Dick floundered, trying to pull his chin away and only succeeded at rattling the chains as Slade slowly and methodically fed him the paste from the tube. 

When he finally finished, Dick fell forward and coughed, trying to clear the awful taste from his throat. “What, you didn't like your dinner?”

Dick glared up at him and Slade still smiled. “You're very attractive when you're angry. If you used that anger, imagine what you could do.”

Closing his eyes, Dick forced his face to smooth out. “No.” 

“Suit yourself,” Slade said and Dick should never have closed his eyes because Slade's hands were back and Dick had never hated himself as much as he did when he leaned into that touch, desperate for another living creature. He felt the rumble of Slade's laugh and then something else was forced into his mouth and Slade gave him liquid much like he had fed him. 

When Slade pulled back again, Dick let himself sag there, not fighting back any more. 

“You should probably stretch those muscles,” Slade said and suddenly Dick's bindings were gone and he collapsed before he could catch himself. Instantly he pushed himself back up, falling into a fighting stance the same moment Slade caught him and slammed him back against the wall. “You know, the easiest way to break you would be to leave you alone.”

“I'm not that easy to break,” Dick snarled back. 

“No,” Slade agreed. “But that would be the way to do it. To leave you without touch, without other voices. Even last time, you were desperate not to be alone and time has not changed you that much.” A smirk unfurled on Slade's face. “And this time I have no intention of just letting you go.” 

“And I have have every intention of escaping,” Dick said. 

Slade's fingers stroked his cheek, one coming down to follow the line of his throat and Dick could feel a scream catch in his throat. “What are you doing?”

“Tell me, Jedi Knight,” Slade said. “Has anyone ever touched you?”

“Sure,” Dick said, eyes huge and searching Slade's face. “Plenty of times.”

Slade's smirked changed. “No, Jedi,” he said, and his fingers continued their downward path. “I mean like this,” and even though Dick suspected it was coming the kiss took his breath away. His eyes were wide open in shock, Slade's fingers rough and warm against the skin of his face and the hollow of his throat. 

Dick felt like something in him was singing as the touch burned through him. 

He gathered what tiny bits of the force he could still feel and shoved Slade back. It barely moved him an inch or two but it made Slade laugh. 

“That's a no, then,” he said. 

“I am a Jedi,” Dick said, and he ached for something he never had. He swallowed hard. 

“What a shame,” Slade said, reaching out again and Dick turned his head, biting his fingers. That only made Slade laugh, and slam his head against the wall. Stunned, Dick blinked the stars out of his eyes as Slade covered his mouth again. Dick's hands scrambled up his shoulders, trying to pull him back even as he wanted to melt. 

“You want this,” Slade said. 

“No,” Dick snarled. 

“You need touch,” Slade whispered into his ear and Dick tried to kick out at him. Slade remained steady, pressing the entire line of Dick's body into the wall. “You need to be loved, to be adored.”

“I need none of those things,” Dick said. 

“You should consider not lying,” Slade said. “I know you, Jedi Knight.”

“You know a construct of me you've made in your own mind,” Dick snapped and Slade laughed into his mouth. Dick bit his tongue and Slade drew back, using one of his hands to hold Dick's head against the wall. His other hand was drifting down and yet Dick did not expect it to cup his cock through his robes. 

Eyes widening, he jerked against Slade's hold. “All I want,” Slade murmured and Dick started thrashing around as he started pushing his tunics up. “Is for you to realize your potential. To realize who you are meant to be. To accept it.” 

“No,” Dick said, meeting his eyes and he whimpered when Slade's hand brushed him again. 

“You were a child last time I had you,” Slade said. “It was one of the reasons I was willing to let you go. But you revealed much to me. Like how much you need.”

“I do not need,” Dick said and he jerked and groaned when Slade's hand slipped under his tunics and brushed his fingers along the top of his cock with nothing between them any more. “I am a Jedi,” Dick whispered. “I will not give in to you. I will not join you and,” he gasped again, his head falling against Slade's shoulder. 

“Your body wants,” Slade said. 

“ _I_ do not,” Dick whimpered. But he couldn't deny the days alone and his lack of connection to the Force was making him desperate. 

As a child, he had constantly wanted others touch. When they seemed unwilling to give it, he had sometimes provoked the other boys into fighting. Later, when he was Bruce's padawan on bad days he had curled up against his side and stayed there wordlessly until Bruce gently pushed him away. Sometimes it was only a few minutes, and sometimes Bruce had let him stay there for hours, reading silently. 

Since becoming a Knight, he had friends who sometimes indulged him in simple touches, but more often than not he was away for extended periods of time on missions. He tried to control his desires, tucking them away carefully and letting them fester there. 

“Stop,” he groaned when Slade kept touching him. “Stop it, I don't want—” 

“Are you certain you don't?” Slade asked, tone mild. “You've wanted this your whole life. A connection, a partner.”

Dick bit the fabric at Slade's shoulder just to try and stop the noises he was making. He could feel Slade laugh again, but all his attention was spiraling down to the feel of Slade's rough fingers, the spreading heat in his body and the sheer _want_ he kept locked away, trying to escape. 

He was clinging to Slade, his muscles sore from being held up for so long and he was muttering “no” over and over into Slade's shoulder. 

Suddenly, when he felt like he was poised on the edge of something he could never have back, Slade stepped away. 

With a cry, Dick collapsed and he almost screamed when his tunics brushed his over sensitive and desperate cock. He cradled it in his hands, trying to keep any other accidental touches away. A few heavy breaths later and he looked up at Slade, who was smirking down at him. 

“When I take you,” he said and Dick shuddered all over, nerves he had never acknowledged alight. “You're going to be telling me yes.”

“I'll never tell you yes,” Dick said and Slade smiled, flipping the light off and leaving.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yo. Warnings. Check them out.

Dick lost track of how long he was in that room. He was no longer tied to the wall, but no one entered either. Food sometimes was shoved inside and he prodded it with the Force. Eventually he stopped caring about the minor poisons laced in the provisions, desperate enough to eat and drink. The shakes and pain were almost worth it to stay alive.

 

When Slade came back, weeks later, Dick barely looked up at him. “Yes,” he whispered, curled up on his side on the ground, trying to hold the tattered robes closer around his body. His muscles had deteriorated and he'd lost weight he couldn't afford to to begin with.

 

Slade crouched down next to him, stroking his fingers across Dick's cheek and down his jaw and Dick bit back a high pitched whimper. He wanted to reach his hands out just to have someone else to touch.

 

“No,” Slade said and left again.

 

Dick was too tired and sore to do anything except close his eyes.

 

-0-

 

The next day droids entered the room.

 

“Just leave me to die already,” Dick muttered, even though he knew he would do anything to keep fighting.

 

The droids chittered something at him and dragged him from the room. The light outside made him cry out, ducking his head down and closing his eyes.

 

“What is the purpose of this?” he asked when the droids pushed him into a room and forced him upright. Unbending his spine made him cringe, and he had to swallow down the sounds of pain he wanted to make as they stripped what remained of his robes off him. Before he realized he was even standing next to a pool they shoved him in it.

 

Gasping, he surfaced, the chill of the water shocking his senses into paying attention again. “What is going on?” he asked, as the droids dropped soap into the water, clearly trying to be helpful and indicate what he was supposed to do.

 

Dick narrowed his eyes at them, for they were too helpful and honestly silly to be Sith droids. But he accepted the not subtle instructions to wash. When he forced himself out of the water, the droids shoved robes at him and Dick too long staring at the black before pulling them on. It didn't even surprise him that they fit and despite the color, he felt better with the belt and tabard. His fingers reached down to brush where his lightsabers should have hung before the droids were chittering again and pushing him forward.

 

“Okay, okay, I'm going,” he said, and used the chance to take in everything he could about the hallways they were shoving him through.

 

All too soon a door swished open and the droids gave him another shove through the open door and left him there.

 

Slade sat across the table from him, on the other side of the room, his chin in one hand and grinning. “Nice of you to join me.”

 

Dick's eyes flickered down to the food, probing it and finding nothing. Which either meant it was a more serious poison or the food was clean. “What's the point of this?” he asked, his voice still hoarse from being unused for so long.

 

“Do you not want a good meal?” Slade asked, spreading his arms wide. “Or do you not appreciate being clean again?”

 

Dick sat gingerly on the other end of the table, his hands shaking as he pulled the food toward him and then stopped himself from eating. “Not that I don't appreciate it,” he said. “But there has to be some sort of reason behind this change.”

 

Slade shrugged and that grin was still hovering around the corners of his face. “Perhaps today I am in a good mood.”

 

For a long moment, Dick stared at him. “I don't trust the food,” he said, instead of the variety of other things he might have.

 

Slade laughed, levitating one of the fruits from Dick's plate to his hand, taking a bite of it, and sending it back. “So either,” Dick said, catching the floating fruit and ignoring the juices that ran onto his hand from the bite. “It's clean, or you're simply immune to whatever you put in it.”

 

“With that attitude, you'll die of starvation,” Slade said. “I'm not sure you'll enjoy me force feeding you.”

 

“Why poison my food in the cell?” Dick asked and gave up, biting into the fruit. He meant to keep the conversation going while he picked at the food but once he started eating all the days of deprivation caught up to him all at once. He tore through the food on his side of the table and started eyeing what was further away in the space between them.

 

When he finally looked up, Slade was watching him with an obvious smirk.

 

“I think that will be all for tonight,” he said and before Dick could protest, could scream and beg for anything except going back to the darkness for who knew how long, the droids were back, swarming around him and pulling.

 

He went with them again because he had no idea how to do anything else. When they pulled him into a spacious and white washed room with a large bed in the middle he froze. There was a fresher and a table with holopads and everything was clean.

 

He slept on the floor, with the bed between him and the door.

 

-0-

 

Somehow this new phase was a different kind of torture entirely.

 

He could come and go as he pleased but he was still alone except for the nights Slade brought him to the dining room for dinner.

 

On the first night, Dick had purposefully kept himself as far away from Slade as possible, and now the distance felt like it was smothering him. Everything in him ached for touch, for kind words that weren't hidden barbs.

 

“Are you enjoying your stay here?” Slade asked one night, considering the glass of whatever he was drinking.

 

“I'm certain you already know the answer to that,” Dick returned, his hands in his lap.

 

Slade smiled. “You're an interesting one,” he said. “Still so stubborn.”

 

“I am,” Dick agreed. “My stubbornness has often been remarked upon.”

 

“You begged me once,” Slade said, his eyes sliding over.

 

Dick closed his eyes and inclined his head. “Yes,” he whispered. “I did ask that once. And you said no.”

 

“You're confused,” Slade remarked.

 

“Are you surprised?” Dick asked. “You wanted to break me.”

 

“I want you,” Slade said. “It's a little different.” He paused and the corner of his mouth quirked up. “Was I succeeding?”

 

A spasm ran through Dick's hands and Slade laughed when he did not answer. “Yes, that's what I thought.”

 

“Why are you doing this?” Dick asked, again, and did not expect an answer.

 

“Because I want a partner,” Slade said and Dick froze.

 

“What?” he rasped and Slade just kept grinning before he left.

 

-0-

 

The next night Dick took his seat and barely looked up at him. “People are looking for you,” he said and Dick tried to squash the tiny glimmer of hope he felt. The only one who would save him would be himself and so far he was doing a sorry job of it.

 

He hummed and looked at the wall over Slade's shoulder.

 

“Your master, of course,” Slade said and there was annoyance in his voice. “Several of the other Jedi, either with him or on their own. You seem to have a lot of friends, considering your whole order rejects affection.”

 

“It's not affection,” Dick said. “It's possession. It's allowing your feelings to overpower you. We may have friends. We want Jedi to care for others but it must be selfless love.”

 

Slade snorted. “If you say so. Nonetheless, they are quite passionate about finding you. Not that they ever will. The odd one out in this equation is the fallen Jedi.”

 

Dick blinked once. “What?” He quickly ran through the last news he'd had of any of his friends. If Roy Harper had fallen, he would have known. Considering the years they'd spent together, he would have felt _something_.

 

“He's most adamantly a fallen Jedi, mind,” Slade said and annoyance was seeping into his voice. “Not a Sith. Most of you don't become that particular about titles. They just accept the rage and become what should always have been.”

 

Dick blinked at him again, frowning but uncertain what to say.

 

“At any rate,” Slade shrugged. “He is perhaps the most determined of all, which is most unexpected. The others I'm sending on a merry chase to the other side of the galaxy, but he I think I'll just kill. It will make him far less annoying.”

 

Eyes sliding over to the wall, Dick swallowed. “Why would a fallen Jedi be looking for me?”

 

“No idea,” Slade shrugged. “But does it really matter? I'll kill him anyway.”

 

“You haven't told me who he is,” Dick said, still running down the list in his head.

 

Slade hummed. “Jason, I think. Jason Ted maybe?”

 

Dick froze, the breath catching in his lungs and he couldn't get them to restart. Finally he got a few quick rasping breaths in and his knuckles had turned white. When he looked over, Slade was watching with an amused expression.

 

“Do you know him?”

 

“He's dead,” Dick managed and the words alone were almost enough to tear open the wound again. “He was dead. Jason Todd was—”

 

“Apparently he just fell,” Slade said, one brow quirked up.

 

Dick still couldn't breath and he wanted to scream and cry and crow all at once. “He's alive?” he asked, a querulous question not even directed at Slade. “Jason's alive?”

 

All at once what Slade had been saying earlier penetrated his shock and he froze again.

 

“So you must have known him quite well,” Slade said as Dick suddenly stood up. He pulled the tabards over his head and dropped them on the table. Slade's eyes followed the motion before slowly looking back up at Dick.

 

Dick just pulled the outer tunic over his head to join the tabards. He had filled back out slightly since being allowed out of the cell but still hadn't gained back all his muscle mass or weight. “You want me,” he said, not a question. “Have me.”

 

“Excuse me?” Slade managed and Dick hadn't managed to floor him before.

 

Dick dropped the last tunic on the table and wanted to wrap his arms around his bare chest but resisted the urge. “You wanted me to say yes. So yes. But leave him alive.”

 

Slade's brows had gone all the way up. “You're trading your body for his life?”

 

“Yes,” Dick said and his voice didn't even shake. He wanted to, though and clenched his hands hard.

 

Tilting his head, Slade narrowed his eyes at him. “His life is worth that to you?”

 

“Yes,” Dick said again and knew he was handing out far too much of himself.

 

“But this is just an offer for your body,” Slade said. “I want a partner.”

 

“Then that you keep earning,” Dick said.

 

“And when you try and escape?” Slade asked. “When you leave? What's to stop me from going after him and killing him in petty revenge for your betrayal?”

 

Dick accepted Slade's assumption with barely a twitch of his mouth. “I'll figure that out later.”

 

Slade rose finally, moving across the table and Dick wanted to cower and run the closer Slade got. Instead he titled his chin up, meeting Slade's eyes as he approached. “You still have no idea what I really want from you.”

 

“You said you wanted a partner,” Dick said.

 

“And you have no idea what that means,” Slade said and his fingers brushed the hollow of Dick's throat. He couldn't help the gasp that escaped him and the way he leaned into the touch. “You may not mentally want this with me, but your need for touch is certainly in overdrive.”

 

“You did that,” Dick said, barely an accusation. “You wanted me like this.”

 

“You already were like this,” Slade returned, and his fingers brushed down Dick's bare chest. He shook and forced himself to stand still. When Slade's hand reached his waist, he curled his fingers in Dick's pants and yanked him forward, slamming their bodies together.

 

“Promise that he lives,” Dick said, forcing himself to meet Slade's eyes.

 

“For now,” Slade agreed.

 

“As long as I'm with you,” Dick said.

 

“Yes,” Slade agreed and Dick closed his eyes, giving himself up to Slade's arms. “Tell me yes,” Slade whispered into his ear and Dick was shaking, his hands gripping his shoulders and holding on.

 

“Yes,” Dick gasped at the ceiling because he felt overwhelmed and this was a weakness too easy to exploit in a Jedi. He hadn't quite been as aware of how much larger Slade was until the Sith was basically surrounding him. “I'm telling you yes,” and he hated the fact at least part of this wasn't about Jason at all.

 

“Say please,” Slade purred and Dick couldn't even stop himself from that.

 

“Please,” he said and Slade pushed him back onto the table, upending several dishes. Dick tried to catch them with the Force before they broke, until he remembered how faint and distant his connection to it was.

 

Instead he heard them break as Slade kissed him, tongue invading his mouth and Dick clung to him. He had nothing else to hold on to.

 


	3. Chapter 3

When Dick woke up it still felt like his skin was buzzing and it took him too long to realize Slade was still there, one large hand idly stroking over his chest. He wanted to flinch away from the touch as much as he wanted to curl closer into it.

 

“I was right,” Slade smirked, when he saw Dick was awake and looking back at him. “You do desperately want this. How did you survive so long with the Jedi, being so needy?”

 

“It wasn't as hard as you might think,” Dick said, even though it had been. He had solicited any touch he could and hoarded them away. They didn't even have to be affectionate touches after all.

 

“Really?” Slade asked, amused. “I should have recorded the sounds you made. You screamed for me.”

 

Dick closed his eyes because he remembered all too well. He felt wrung out but when Slade's hands slid around his back, pulling him forward he whimpered and shifted closer into the motion. “You promised,” he reminded, now that it was morning again and Slade had gotten what he wanted.

 

“The fallen Jedi lives,” Slade said and Dick kissed him.

 

-0-

 

It felt like Dick had once again stepped into a whole different world. The droids that had dragged him around earlier were still in evident and sometimes it felt like they were the only beings Dick talked to the whole time he was on that base.

 

He had figured out Slade was using an abandoned hotel that had suffered some sort of attack. Most of it was closed off, except for the rooms where Slade had restored power and life support. They were on some planetoid with no atmosphere but a stunning view at a nearby nebula. The wealthy would have paid good money to come to this place once upon a time.

 

Dick spent many hours in front of one of the long banks of windows facing out into space, meditating and finding no peace.

 

-0-

 

He could not find his lightsabers, and had finally placed the thing muting his connection to the Force as the band around his wrist. It looked like simple twine braided together but he could not remove it and hadn't even noticed it when he first woke up.

 

Without his lightsabers he broke the long legs off of a stool with some help from the droids, who must have been staff at the hotel in another life. Two of them were almost long enough to be his sabers, even though the weight was all wrong and he used the empty observatory to practice his katas and other forms.

 

It was the only thing keeping him from falling completely into insanity as each night Slade sat him across from him at the table and they ate. Sometimes Dick looked at the table and felt his face heating up because Slade had taken him there. Now each night after dinner, Slade took him into his bedchamber and kept him there until morning.

 

Dick struggled to keep his shields up with such a weak connection to the Force and every night he felt Slade poking at them, amused more than annoyed at their stubborn persistence.

 

The shields were the only defense he had been able to keep up, as Slade stripped away everything else.

 

Dick almost hated him for how much he enjoyed Slade's touch. It felt like it kept him grounded when all of the rest of him wanted to float away, and he was starting to suspect he knew why the Jedi feared passion and desire so much.

 

It was terrifying how much he wanted to allow someone else to consume him.

 

He kept turning that last thought over and over in his mind as he spared with the stool legs on day. He was moving through the forms at a third speed, stretching his muscles and forcing them to hold each step and sweep.

 

He was so focused on it, the snap hiss of a lightsaber turning on took a second to penetrate his mind. He startled, turning abruptly and Slade's red blade cut the two stool legs in half. “So this is how you entertain yourself.”

 

Dick sighed. “Was that necessary?” he asked.

 

“Why the fallen Jedi?” Slade asked, thumbing his blade off and Dick frowned. “Why do you want to protect him? Doesn't your order have succinct things to say on those who have freed themselves from your Council's control?”

 

“Free?” Dick frowned and shook his head. “To Fall is considered awful, yes. The Order often rejects those people, especially those who have become Sith. But there is also the potential they could come back one day if shown the right path.”

 

“But why you,” Slade asked, rolling his eyes before focusing on Dick again. “And this Jason?”

 

Dick folded his hands in front of his waist, though he did not have the Jedi robe to hide them in. “Because he meant a lot to me and I thought he was dead.”

 

“And what of your order's refusal to form attachments.”

 

Dick looked down, trying to keep control of his breathing. “It is... unavoidable. We do what we can to negate those attachments. To care too deeply about one person leads to... complications. Fear, for them. Anger at their hurts. Those are the things that lead us to the Dark Side.” He eyed Slade. “As I'm certain you know.”

 

“And your willingness to sacrifice for him?” Slade asked. “Is that in acceptable Jedi parameters?”

 

Dick sucked in a breath. “No.”

 

“And yet,” Slade said, stepping forward and Dick dropped the remains of his practice sabers, not looking up. “That is how much his life means to you. Why? Do you love him?”

 

Dick twitched. “What?”

 

“You must love him to some extent,” Slade said. “Did you want to fuck him? Or have him take you?”

 

“What, no,” Dick said, head snapping up. “He was... He was a child,” except when Jason had disappeared, he was anything but a child, and Dick was starting to realize Jason would be taller than him when he finally stopped growing.

 

And then months later he thought Jason would never have the chance to reach his full height but now he was alive and there was perhaps another chance for... anything.

 

“He's not a child any more,” Slade said.

 

“It's not about that,” Dick protested, even as he started to doubt that himself. He missed Jason, had mourned him quietly and on the edge of the Republic. He twitched again when Slade slid his hands up to cup Dick's cheeks, forcing his head back to meet his gaze.

 

“You know,” he said, and his voice was almost warm. It made Dick want to thrash and escape. “I'm trying to do you a favor.”

 

“Please,” Dick snarled. “You're doing what you want because you want it. You're a man who takes what you want, aren't you?”

 

“Yes,” Slade smiled. “But you're wasted by the Jedi. All that passion you have, all those needs. Let go of the Order, and your Code and you can find freedom.”

 

“No,” Dick said, trying to jerk his chin away and Slade only tightened his grip. “I am a Jedi. I _believe_ in the Jedi and our Code. I may be balancing on the edge but I will not _fall_.”

 

“You think that now,” Slade said and suddenly his hand dropped, pulling the band off Dick's wrist. His awareness of the Force slammed into him all at once the same instant Slade slammed into his shields. He was screaming, he realized, detached. Because for the first time Slade was in his head and tearing around. It took Dick too long to realize he wasn't destroying Dick's mind, he was building something and he tried to gather his own power through the haze of pain and shock and push Slade back out.

 

Slade was laughing and he could hear it in his head.

 

“Stop stop stop,” he was chanting and just as suddenly as it had all happened, he collapsed to the ground because Slade had let him go.

 

Catching himself on his hands and knees, he panted, gingerly poking at his connection to the Force and finding it still strong before slowly starting to explore his own mind. He had just focused on the bond and started to realize what it was, what that glowing connection in his own head was when Slade grabbed him again, dragging him up and shoving him into one of the windows.

 

At his back was only space and he was gasping as he stared at Slade. “What did you _do_?”

 

“I want a partner,” Slade said. “If you will not fall, then renounce the Order. Either would suffice. But you're not ready for either of those things yet, are you?”

 

Dick snarled, only it came out weak and pathetic, because he still couldn't breathe.

 

“I thought not,” Slade said and nuzzled against his cheek. Dick closed his eyes. “So in the meantime,” Slade continued. “This way I'll be able to keep track of you.”

 

“No,” Dick said weakly because he still did not want to acknowledge what he already knew was true.

 

“It doesn't matter how far apart we are,” Slade said. “I'll always be able to feel you.”

 

“I'll find a way to break it,” Dick promised, as his mind tried to adjust to the intrusion in it.

 

“Good luck,” Slade laughed and kissed him, forcing Dick's head back against the window and behind them a star system was being born, casting its eerie light into the observatory.

 

Then Slade let him go and stepped back, Dick sinking to the ground again. “Don't worry,” he said. “I'll find you again, and maybe then we'll make more progress. But for now it's time to move on. I trust you'll be able to find your own way out of here,” he added and Dick snapped his head up.

 

“What?”

  
But Slade was already leaving and Dick let his head fall back against the window.

 

Slowly, he started to build shields up, wrapping them around the bond so that Slade was only a distant echo and would be able to feel only the most minimal amount from Dick. He then carefully built another layer of shields over the bond itself, so it would be hidden in his own mind from anyone looking.

 

When he could stand up, he wandered through the hotel which was now totally empty of any other life form. For a while he stood in front of the small room where Slade had kept him locked up for endless days. He could feel the echo of his own pain and fear in the Force and turned away.

 

A door that had never been open before now beckoned him forward and he found a landing bay. There was a large empty space where he figured Slade's ship had been and another, smaller vehicle still stood within the force field that led out to space.

 

Aboard it his lightsabers sat on top of each other and he traced his fingers across the hilt of one of them, letting out a long sigh.

 

-0-

 

The ship was enough to return to the Temple, but there were no supplies within it or anywhere on the hotel. Dick had put himself in a trance, and by the time he came down the gangplank he'd lost weight he'd only started to gain back.

 

Kal was at the bottom, having been waiting for him. “Dick,” he greeted and Dick wanted to throw himself into his arms and hold on. Kal had often been there for him, the other Jedi Master understanding the harsh reality of caring for Bruce Wayne's well being. “It has been so long. Are you alright, what happened?”

 

“I will make a full report to the council,” Dick promised. “But is my Master here?”

 

Kal paused, like he wished to push the issue. Instead, he nodded. “Yes. He has just returned from his own mission.”

 

“I must see him,” Dick said and forced himself past Kal and into the Temple.

 

He still knew the way to Bruce's quarters, a path he could still walk in his sleep. When he rang the door chime, it was opened almost instantly by Bruce.

 

For a second they stared at each other, Dick exhausted and wane and Bruce with deep hollows under his eyes.

 

“Master,” Dick said, something he had rarely called Bruce in years and collapsed against him.

 

To his credit Bruce only hesitated a moment before he wrapped his arms around Dick, drawing him tightly up against his chest. “Dick. Dick, you're home.”

 

Dick's fingers dug into the fabric at Bruce's shoulder blades and he allowed himself one harsh sob. Then he forced his head up, so at least he could talk. “Master, Jason is alive.”

 

Bruce shook all over and Dick could feel it through their embrace. “I know,” he said and sounded anguished. “He tried to kill Tim.”

 

“But he's alive,” Dick choked and Bruce gathered him closer against his chest.

 

-0-

 

Bruce had finally sorted the two of them out, making tea and sitting Dick down at the table in the small kitchen. He now was moving around, trying to put together food and Dick was too exhausted and hungry to do anything but watch him and drink the tea.

 

“Where were you?” Bruce asked, his back to Dick.

 

“Slade,” he said and Bruce turned.

 

“Again?” he asked and there was something wrong with his voice.

 

Dick bowed his head. “His interest has not abated. He simply... has been biding his time.”

 

“And now?” Bruce asked.

 

Dick looked away, his jaw working. “I do not think it has abated now, either.”

 

When he looked back, Bruce stood in front of him and there was fury on his face. “You're in danger, Dick. You cannot be so careless as to keep going on missions by yourself, not where the Sith could find you.”

 

Dick narrowed his eyes up at him. “And what would you have me do instead? Hide in the Temple for the rest of my life? Allow another Jedi to try and come between me and the Sith? No, I will put no one else in danger for me.”

 

“He had overcome you twice now,” Bruce said. “Dick, you were missing for months. He is stronger than you are.”

 

“Than I will become stronger,” Dick said, his knuckles white around the tea cup.

 

“You cannot be so blase about this, Dick—”

 

“I will not hide either!” Dick shouted back.

 

“I am not going to lose someone else,” Bruce said and slammed his hand down on the table. “Not again. Not you.”

 

Dick blinked, his eyes wide before he slowly focused them back on Bruce. He opened his mouth and closed it several times as he tried to slot that desperation and pain in Bruce's face and voice to the cold way he'd told Dick they would have no need to stay in contact.

 

“You impossible man,” he said finally and Bruce drew back in confusion. “I will not hide in the Temple. But,” he paused again, confusion churning in him. “I will be careful.”

 

He rose, turning away from the kitchen because he needed the chance to gain his bearing back. He wandered to the living room, a space he knew so well from all the years he had lived with Bruce. For a second he squinted in confusion until he realized that everything he had left all those years ago, when he was hurt and desperate to leave the rooms he had lived in for so long, was exactly where he'd left it. The tiny detritus of his life with Bruce, still tucked away and left there as if Bruce couldn't bear to part from a single piece of it.

 

He'd never come back.

 

Slowly, he turned back around when Bruce approached. “You must rest,” Bruce said gently. “You need to eat.”

 

Dick stared at him until Bruce shifted, clearly uncomfortable. “I don't understand,” Dick managed and Bruce looked away. “Why did you have to—”

 

“I have always struggled with how much I care for you,” Bruce said and Dick wanted to scream, wanted to pound his fists against Bruce's chest and yell at him.

 

“Than why did you have to push me away?”

 

“It seemed easier,” he said, and Dick realized he was only getting this confession because of Jason, because he had been missing for months and Bruce was worn thin, hurting and defenseless.

 

Taking a deep breath, Dick slowly let it out and nodded, locking away his hurt and anger for another time, letting Bruce lead him back to the table.

 

He poked at the food, forcing himself to eat some of it before he looked up again. “Do you remember—there was a stone I had. I must have left it because Jason had it, later on.”

 

Bruce tensed at Jason's name and then nodded. “Yes,” he agreed. “You said it sang to you in the Force. I can't even remember which planet we were on at the time but—”

 

“We fell into the river,” Dick said, with a wry smile. “We were being cashed and fell off the bridge. Later, when we finally washed up on shore, I tripped right over that thing. It was small but, it felt larger.”

 

“I was so annoyed you stopped running to pick up a rock,” Bruce said and Dick smiled faintly.

 

“You yelled at me,” Dick agreed.

 

Bruce paused, his arms folded over the table. “I never could figure out what you were talking about, with that stone. It felt just like another rock to me in the Force but you and Jason both insisted it was something more.”

 

“Jason tried to give it back to me, at one point,” Dick said.

 

Bruce bit his lip. “He slept with it in his bed,” he said and Dick's brows shot up. “Under his pillow, usually. I found it there several times. He said it helped his nightmares.”

 

“Oh,” Dick said, because Jason had been trying to offer something that helped him, in the hope it might help Dick in turn. Pushing aside the plate of food, he buried his face in his arms on the table.

 

He heard Bruce moving around and didn't lift his head, letting the pain swap him.

 

Bruce returned, setting something heavy down on the table. “It sings to you,” Bruce said, and when Dick brushed his fingers across the stone it did just that. “You should have it back.”

 

“It's something that reminds you of Jason,” Dick said.

 

“And you,” Bruce said. “Take it back.”

 

“Okay,” Dick said, too tired to argue. He pulled the stone up against his chest and put his head back on the table. After a moment, he felt Bruce's large hand settle on his back, warm and as comforting as Bruce could force himself to be.

 

Dick sighed, closing his eyes and held the stone against his cheek. It felt warm in the Force.

 

No one had noticed the bond in his mind.

 

That meant it was still his secret.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I really am writing this thing horribly out of order and I'm going back to fill in some holes, but also this fic is really setting up points to pay off later (Hopefully). So take this as part of a much larger fabric.


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